The Night I Saw A Damaso Shirt

When: October 7, 2010

One moonlit night, I saw a Damaso shirt being displayed at The Reading Room in Cubao Expo. 

Padre Damaso is a character in Jose Rizal’s Noli Me Tangere. He is one of the most notorious characters in the novel, which revolves around the abuses of Spanish friars during the 19th century. So Filipino 3 in HS and Life and Works of Jose Rizal in college, right? I thought so. Seriously, Damaso shirts are being sold around the metro to support Carlos Celdran. 

I'm not really keen in following news tidbits nowadays. At home, one can find me curling up with a no-brainer book or simply blogging while listening to pop music. Then trip to dreamland will immediately follow. But one intriguing news awakened the Curious George in me. Interesting topics were contained in a single news report -  Carlos Celdran, Padre Damaso, Manila Cathedral and, last but not the least, RH bill.

I'm not the type to discuss in-depth and geeky info about those topics because any Curious George can simply google them all up. In my shaky world called contemplation, these topics certainly deserve some tribute. What sort of tribute, one may ask. A tribute to college memories, hence this post. College pertains to the stage in my life where idealism comes in tremendous waves. Although I was a bit unsure of what I could possibly do back then, idealism was always present in my heart and soul. Various college scenes were revealed to me in flashes, and the ending is the present me.

For the life of me, I forgot to ask how much it costs. Boo hoo.

At the back of my head, I could hear my younger self saying, "Remember when you're in college? You were so much idealistic and more artsy then!" 

Oh Damaso shirt, you've surely made me feel young and idealistic once again!

The Reading Room

Cubao Expo

General Romulo Araneta Avenue

Araneta Center

Affirmations for Good Luck

Below is a very timely piece I found in my 2001 diary, and I think this is pretty much appropriate for these trying times. I think I imported this from Art Borjal's column in The Philippine Star.

Every day in every way, I am getting luckier and luckier.

Every day in every way, I am getting more and more blessed.

Every day in every way, I am getting more and more fortunate.

Every day in every way, I am getting more and more favored.

Every day in every way, I am getting more and better chances and prospects.

Every day in every way, I am getting better and better at recognizing good opportunities.

Every day in every way, Lady Luck smiles at me.

Every day in every way, good fortune comes my way.

Every day in every way, I am getting better and better at creating my own good luck, realizing that only I can help myself build my own fortune and fulfill my own destiny.

Tuesday Meme Express: Pacman's Vitwater Line

Every Tuesday, The Daily Meme suggests the readers to write a thought provoking meme in honor of the Meme express. On my way to work, I chanced upon a thought-provoking albeit amusing line of our Pambansang Kamao in his Vitwater billboard. Funny, right?

Vitwater and I share a somewhat memorable moment. You know, Vitwater was part of my four (4) Sunday kits last September 2008. Despite the fact that its color made me hesitant to go "bottom's up", I willingly brought a bottle to face the biggest mental battle in my life. So that's the amusing part. And now let's tackle the thought-provoking part. For a few enchanting seconds, I became challenged. With Pacman's face plastered on it and some parallelism*, I think this is part of my baby steps to box** all the imaginary demons along my way and pursue my dream. 

*I dunno what it is really. Peace!

**With the right attitude serving as my gloves

"Wonder" Woman Rants

I wonder when will I get a clearer vision. I wonder if I can save my dreams from floating in limbo. I wonder how long will I put my dreams on hold.

I wonder how long will I gather all my strength to hold my life in neutral. I wonder how long will it take me to figure out that I'm just buying time. 

I wonder what's waiting for me at the end.

I wonder how mysterious mystery is. I wonder if some mysteries are better left unsolved.

I wonder when to take the first step. Seriously, when is when?  

I wonder where wanderlust will take me. I wonder if work will grant my little pleasures. I wonder where to get money for that.

I wonder if freedom will actually mold me into a better person or render me unproductive.

I've been wondering how long this mythical virtue called patience will last. If it won't, is there another mythical virtue in lieu of patience? Or, simply put, will it turn out to be another misguided idea since patience is, in reality, a minor form of despair?

I wonder if I can firmly grasp both my body and soul and, for once, order them to willfully work in harmony.

Why do I wonder all these things? I think it's another bout of wondering. Again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

The cycle of wondering simply never ends.

Penny For My Thoughts

The long holiday vacation helped me contemplate on a couple of things. And I find one thought excitingly alarming in a good way. This thought might be fleeting and in just one snap, it may suffer the same fate as any other thoughts I had. It may evaporate. And any unknown possibilities of this nugget will just be hidden under the cloaks of my forgettable self. So here I am trying to make that thought counts, and I think publishing it might help. One step at a time, so goes the cliche.

This quite sums up my thought: There will be a few times in your life when your instinct will tell you to do something, something that defies the odds or even logic. When that happens, you do it. Ignore logic, ignore the odds and complications, and just go for it!

The word "something" is vague, and it may demand a bucket of translations. I don't intend to swim in a dark pool of vagueness or be lost in translation. I have to be clear and sincere.

I need an emotional overhaul to render such thought operative. It is getting exciting. I hope I'll be up and about the minute it happens. So penny for my thoughts?

Midnight Madness

Before I sleep, I badly need to speak out against the nonsense wastage of time. Why so? It's totally ruining my immediate goals for this year. I want to unleash the metal tiger in me. Check this out: monkey + tiger = monger. Good Lord, I'm horrified.

Imagine this, I spend at least nine hours in the office everyday doing, Mon Dieu, nothing. I kid you not! I'm paid to stick my ass in a swivel chair for nine hours and some minutes. I'd be willing to bet that most people's total hours of net surfing will pale in comparison next to mine. At least, for almost three months now.

And here I am, utterly restless and desperately wanting some change. A glimmer of hope briefly flashed through my eyelids just now, but unfortunately it was so brief I barely noticed the details. Sigh. Now, I wish I have a crystal ball to help predict my future. Predictability is sometimes oddly satisfying, don't you think?

So here's the catch: I'm ready, 2010!

I have to say this out loud so all my body systems will be in sync and ready too. My mind is ready but my sleep-deprived body is not. Flabs, please cooperate now.

I swore to myself that my positivity will never run out of stock for it fuels my dreams. A liter of liquid positivity will take me miles and miles. Wow.

Apparently, I'm making sense even though I'm speaking out through a cluttered mind. Good  night.

One foggy morning

I'm back to foggy Netopia today.

My reliable swivel chair now accomodates my ass as I do swings every so often. A clear sign of restlessness or a comfort reflex, whatever.

When I look at the window glass, the whole metro is covered in fog. Or is it smog? I barely know the actual difference. What the heck lies beyond the skycrapers? When mindless thoughts spurt out of nowhere, my adrenaline comes a-racing. Snapshots of my dreams seem to flash through my mind, swirling faster as they get nearer to my eyes. I hope they won't blind me though.

I intend to kill my stagnant state soon. This lull, more of a dilatory tactic really, is killing me. I don't want to stay under this fog forever. I want to escape this as soon as I have the power and means to do so. I want to escape just because... Okay, I'll stop in mid-sentence so as not to jeopardize the unthinkable.

I am not blaming the fog, but blogging surely helps me see through the fog.

A Big "Yes" to Twenty Ten!

"In two small, unconscious moments, I said, without hesitation, 'Yes.' After those affirmatives, everything changed. I found a side of myself I'd never known, a fresh excitement, a fascinating art, and an amazing new friend and collaborator. I believe such illumination comes if you're open to the surprises the universe throws at you. You must be able to let go of the past, whatever successes you may have seen, whatever your comfort, whatever your habits. To me, that's the key to loving life: enabling yourself to step bravely into the unknown. Only there will you find yourself again."

~Juliette Binoche 

My Thoughts Exactly

I'll hit 30 next year. 

I wonder if  I have already reached the "end of the line"?  I guess not. Because if I have, then I wouldn't have to wonder, I would just know.

  

I'll just enjoy the ride, and I am going to enjoy the same. I will think of positive thoughts while on board. I will not even entertain a hint of remorse why I have chosen this ride. I will go my own way. It's my life, and what I think of myself is my choice. 

I used to wish I'm 30. Next year is my year. 30 is the age I've been wanting all my twentysomething life. When I was still a 23-year-old courtroom drama fan, I imagined how ladies in their 30's got to do things with confidence and without hesitation. Oh man,  ain't that cool?

  

One thing I learned in this lifetime is that even with the purest intentions I have in my heart, I am still to blame for every screw-up in my simple yet dramatic life. And just when I think I couldn't possibly sink any lower, I go ahead and surprise myself.

At this point, I bid adieu to my doubts, hesitations and to all repulsive beings out there who will jeopardize my noble thoughts en route to success.

And, God forbid, if all else fails, age is but a number.

My heart goes out to Jenna Rink! :)

I am tempted to make this blog entry longer, but decided to behave like a grown-up. (big grin)

When Boredom Strikes

Silent nights like this and knowing that my loved ones are sleeping peacefully make me emotional. Very emotional that I could not stop my tears from brimming in my eyelids. I can feel them now, ready to fall, and I'm not stopping them. They say that tears can literally clean your eyes and soothing for your soul, provided they voluntarily and willingly fall.

I now begin to ask myself why. I feel blessed and I'm truly happy. That's what the tears are all about. I happily blame the spirit of wellness of the holiday season.

I'm happy that my parents are supportive of me all along and even happier that they are both in good health. There were times in the past that I'd bargain with God my share of happiness and success in exchange of my parents' good health. I just couldn't afford to see them sick. It breaks my heart whenever I see my father tired from field work or my mother complaining of her migraine. God knows that, and I'm grateful that He hears this unselfish prayer.

I'm happy that I get to spend time with my siblings, despite our mood swings. We have always been like that way back our younger years. My two younger brothers (one of them is now married) are my loyal allies ever since the three of us outgrew childhood. My youngest brother though is the moody of us all. Back when all my demands/rules were followed by my two younger brothers, my youngest brother represents the axis powers. I never understood the concept that the youngest should be treated well, loved well and that we should all give in to his whims and caprices. Long before he (the youngest brother) came, I felt I was the center of attention. I was the only girl then, and I'm the most behaved one among the pack. And then the only sister was born, and I really felt my entire world was then turned upside down. She's the little princess, and we're at her mercy. When she cries in our arms during her baby days, it will be our fault. Hahaha!

I'm happy that I have a boyfriend whose major goals match with mine. Just when I almost got tired of searching for a partner and at the brink of giving up, God gave him to me. All in all, he's my incentive.

THERE IS SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR.

I acknowledge what and who I have and I thank God for that.

I think of the pointless war in Iraq and the millions of lives lost and affected by it, I think of the poverty in this country and the poor people who suffer because of corrupt politicians, I think of the families affected by recent calamities, natural and man-made, I think of those who no longer have the chance to experience pain and happiness and suffering and joy. When I think of these, I realize I'm truly blessed and my own petty worries do not even measure up to the problems of those who literally live in pain and sorrow every day of their lives.

I'll sleep now.

Counting Till I Finally Say Cheers to 2010

San Miguel showing off his balls (no pun intended)

I aim to drink cans of SML when countdown to year 2010 begins. When I say "cans", I mean a minimum of three and a maximum of eight. Peeing is always an option, just to strike a balance between sanity and hallucination. It's my way of bidding goodbye to the Year of the Rat and ushering in the Year of the Tiger. Rawrrr!

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. 

~Oprah Winfrey

Advance cheers to you, Oprah! 

Here I am, imagining things which will make my life meaningful next year. Meaningful in what way? Too vague. Or it's too safe. I'm still imagining things. Rough, few, too much glitter but true. Oh Lord, it's MC's flop movie I remember. I'll rephrase then. Too much images of grandeur. I'm a word player, you see. And I don't apologize for that. It's F-U-N.


First, rough. Needs polishing along the way. It's more realistic that way. Hey, hey, did I just say "Dream big" the other day? Hmmm. Strikethrough rough.

Second, few. Few is better than more, I guess. When you have so many things and plans, some of them might end up in a waste basket.

Third, too much glitter. Substitute "images of grandeur" for "too much glitter". Stand by.

Last, true. Need I say more? Why bother faking it? 


Few, images of grandeur and true. Perfect.


No tinge of sadness, ill feelings, no mean words, no heartaches whatsoever. Shooo!

I love my life too much to let it get sidetracked by heartache, longing, and daydreaming. So let's sleep.

Rough Draft of My 2010 Life List

I do not know how to start my blog entry right now. I'm just clicking the keyboard, click the letters which compose the words in my mind. It's downright funny, and I'm serious. My fingers are clicking the keys as I think. So this is what a perplexed mind is all about. I can't think of any serious thoughts, life-changing thoughts, ideas, concepts, images that will make my 2010 a real deal. See? Is there a fake deal? Words escaped me right now. Too much thriller novels and Pacman mania killed my sane self. Allow me clarify, Pacman mania refers to the mindless munching of anything edible found in the kitchen and fridge, similar to the yellowish round cartoon who gobbles everything circa 1980s.

This is supposed to be my rough draft of my goals for 2010, but my mind is still on a Bruce Willis mode. Three action-packed thrillers in two days did this to me. Guns, threats, betrayal, sarcasm, jury, trial, cops, intelligence reports. This is a new genre for me, so please bear with me. I'm used to slow pacing of love stories. I practically grew up with the latter.

I still do not know how to start my life list. I'm hearing Spongebob Squarepants on the background vis-a-vis Regina Spektor's song "Laughing With". A fellow from Bikini Bottom just said that ice cream is frozen cow juice. Hahaha! Cartoons sometime make sense, but for now I don't.

My current thoughts are focused on clicking the keyboard, what's for lunch and should I continue typing random stuff as it pops out of my mind.

I ought to focus NOW. Time's a-wasting, damn it.

The universe likes SPEED. Don't delay, don't second-guess, don't doubt.

- Rhonda Byrne, The Secret

Now I'm becoming impatient. I'll try.

1. Focus.
2. Procrastinate less.
3. Eat right.
4. Re-review your immediate goals. The prefix "re" is on purpose. I do not intend to make a rehash of my immediate goals. It's perfectly settled somewhere at the back of my mind where no one (not even my guardian angel) can tap on it.
5. Apply for a foreign study grant or a short course.*
6. Save money.
7. Travel to rejuvenate my soul.**
8. Pray more.
9. Learn a new hobby/sport. Swimming perhaps? I need to conquer my fear.
10. Make this list more detailed. I am hesitant to do this as I have learned my lesson, or maybe I'm a Doubting Thomas. Far worse, maybe it's the typical Libran trait speaking. I learned that whatever your wish/es is/are, just keep it/them to yourself. Some will secretly wish they will not come true, and others won't even care. 

I'm very, very random. This list may change in a few days. I should have drink coffee first, you think?

Dream big, as they say. I constantly remind myself to do just that. I did on several occasions. Big, colossal dreams. Rockets to the moon! But there were a few times my rockets ran out of fuel, burst on mid-air. Nonetheless, I'm lucky to be alive. When everything else seem to be big question marks, I pray. I'm really, really blessed.

Cheers to a happy year ahead! It will be. The Universe will speedily guarantee that to us.

* Actual details still to be pondered upon.
** It seems conflicting with # 6, but I'll surely resolve it.